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[[ Not As Perfect As It May Seem ]]

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January 2nd, 2006
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9 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

January 1st, 2006

Go check out this uber cool rating community, y0.
3 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

September 20th, 2005
Bah, no one will do it-- but whatever.

Post anonymously!
1. Say what you HONESTLY think about me.
2. A weird thing about you.
3. The last thing you ate.
4. What color your underwear is.
5. What you think represents me (a song, a band, a person, an inanimate object, a book, name it and say why)
6. A hint of who you are.
12 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

April 28th, 2004
31 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Come back and try it from the start... [Tuesday
April 27th, 2004
One more fucking day. I can't wait. Ohio is gonna be the best time ever. Me and Julie decided Saturday night calls for a food raid-- therefore... everyone shall be invited to our room... for food. :) Bring your own because we'll only have so much. Thankees. I can't wait to leave- tomorrow is gonna be the best day, because I know I'll be out of my house by 3AM. Which leads me to-- tomorrow after school. I have ensemble for a half an hour to work on the Stacey Piece. Then I gotta call my mom so we can go last minute shopping for food and stuff. And then I'm gonna come home and sleep. When I wake up- which will probably be around 10 or 11ish-- I'm staying awake. There's no sense in sleeping because I'll never wake up. I might as well- wake up around then and stay up on the computer or TV and just sleep on the bus with my baby. :)
5 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

You are and always have been, my dream.. [Sunday
April 25th, 2004
[ mood | chipper ]

Only-- 4 days until I leave for Cleveland, Ohio! I can't wait- it's gonna be a good time. Sitting with Kevin on the bus ride, 10 1/2 hours... long time- but I can deal. It's gonna be so much fun! Rooming with Krystyne, Julie, and Jessica. It's gonna be awesome. My lover, my daughter, and my sister in one room! Haha. I wanna go away so bad. Four days away from the parentals, good times right there. The only downside is I gotta be at school for like... 3AM! So fucking early! I'm gonna sleep the whole bus ride- I know it.

0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Survey I found in my OLD Deadjournal [Sunday
April 25th, 2004
1. People who interrupt you.
2. People who hate you for absolutely no reason.
3. People who can't back up what they're saying.
4. Religion.
5. People against gay marriage.

1. Guys.
2. Girls.
3. How some people can be so two-faced it's sickening.
4. The logic behind religion.
5. Why people are against gay marriage.

1. Empty water bottle.
2. Notebooks.
3. Hand soap.
4. A scanner.
5. CDs.

1. Answering these survey questions.
2. Talking to Erin.
3. Listening to Evanescence's cover of Heart Shaped Box.
4. Wanting to go get food.
5. Coughing.

1. I talk so much I don't hear what others are saying.
2. I'm too loud.
3. I'm... psychotic... ;)
4. I talk so much shit it's coming out of my ears.
5. I'm not honest enough.

1. I'm optimistic.
2. I have a lot of friends.
3. I'm a good dancer.
4. I can spin a flag. :)
5. I'm-- fun?

1. Go skydiving.
2. Become a dance teacher.
3. Get married.
4. Have kids.
5. Meet Amy Lee.

1. Tell certain people I don't like them.
2. A middle split.
3. Write poetically.
4. Be nice to people.
5. Stop going insane.

1. When they act really stupid to try and impress you.
2. When they lie to you.
3. When they're rude/don't respect you.
4. Bad teeth.
5. When they're annoying.

1. Casper
2. Lost and Delirious
3. Anywhere But Here
4. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
5. School of Rock


1. Bugs
2. Heights
3. Losing someone.
4. Being alone.
5. The dark.

Clothes- Sweatshirt and pj pants.
Shoes- None.
Hair- Down and damp.
Smell- Nothing?
Location- My den.
Taste- Water?
Want- Kevin.
Book- Kurt Cobain Journals
Need- Kevin.
Noise- Amy Lee.

1. Jack off Jill
2. Jewel
3. Evanescence
4. Fefe Dobson

1. Erin Kane
2. Kevin Griffin
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Friends are forever.... [Sunday
April 25th, 2004
You know- sometimes that is true. I talked to Kim for the first time in- forever. It was good stuff. We need to start hanging out again, I miss you. I mean- best friends from 6th-8th grade! We can't just let that die!! You're still my girl forever and ever!!

Got to thinking about St. Margarets and stuff. I fucking hated that school. I was treated like shit there- by just about everyone. Maybe except like- Kim, Ang, and Allie. Even Kaitlyn was a bitch most of the time- ADMIT IT.. SHE WAS! It was a complete shithole and I don't miss it at all. I'm glad I'm at LHS now- hanging with my bandos and spinning my flags. I love everyone (or just about everyone) there. :) It makes me happy.
4 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

April 24th, 2004
. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
5 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Fuck you and your untouchable face. [Friday
April 23rd, 2004
Yeah- so I had to wake up this morning for about 8AM. Not cool, it's my vacation- that's so early for me. But- I had to get to school for 9AM for rehearsals until 10AM. So, basically everyone forgot the entire piece- including myself. But- we had only worked on it once... so that's fine, definitly forgivable. But we ended up staying for an extra hour- which is fine for everyone else because they had to stay anyway for other rehearsals. But I was the only non-ensemble person, so I had to stay an extra hour. Kiiind of sucky. But it was cool- hopefully the piece will look good. It did today the last few times we did it- I think we did it justice.

Kevin's gonna come over later. After I get my eyebrows done- they're gross, I need them waxed soooo bad. I haven't gotten them done in over a month. I decided I needed to do it before Ohio- I wanna look cute for Ohio. I bought new clothes for it and everything. Three shirts- a new pair of jeans- new flipflops- hair scrunchies- new eyeshadow/eyeliner- Kurt Cobain Journals. It was a good shopping trip. :)
1 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

I should do this again... [Friday
April 23rd, 2004
Only using song titles...

1. Are you male or female?: Dumb Girls
2. Describe yourself: Not The Average Girl (From Your Video)
3. How do some people feel about you?: Everybody's Fool
4. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: 8th World Wonder
5. How do you feel about yourself? I Hate Everything About You
6. Where would you rather be?: Secret Garden
7. Describe what you want to be: Perfect
8. Describe how you live: Return to Innocence
9. Describe how you love: All or Nothing
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Fuck You.

Dumb Girls - Lucy Woodwards
Not The Average Girl (From Your Video) - India Arie
Everybody's Fool - Evanescence
8th World Wonder - Kimberly Locke
I Hate Everything About You - 3 Days Grace
Secret Garden - Bruce Springstein
Perfect - Alanis Morisette
Return to Innocence - Enigma
All or Nothing - O-Town
Fuck You - Ani DiFranco
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

April 23rd, 2004
imperfect_tears's Word Usage
1. i (197) 26. for (27) 51. go (16) 76. them (10)
2. the (144) 27. love (26) 52. are (16) 77. fucking (10)
3. and (136) 28. what (26) 53. today (15) 78. there (10)
4. you (118) 29. it's (25) 54. up (15) 79. many (10)
5. to (118) 30. when (24) 55. best (15) 80. not (10)
6. a (78) 31. get (23) 56. school (14) 81. 4 (10)
7. of (64) 32. had (23) 57. if (14) 82. little (10)
8. it (60) 33. don't (23) 58. movie (14) 83. 2 (10)
9. in (50) 34. this (22) 59. good (14) 84. 1 (10)
10. we (47) 35. would (22) 60. who (13) 85. an (10)
11. have (46) 36. about (21) 61. nope (13) 86. see (10)
12. me (44) 37. all (20) 62. went (13) 87. now (10)
13. your (43) 38. got (20) 63. kevin (13) 88. before (10)
14. that (42) 39. yeah (19) 64. know (12) 89. 7 (9)
15. so (41) 40. people (19) 65. one (12) 90. more (9)
16. was (39) 41. because (19) 66. last (12) 91. 6 (9)
17. my (38) 42. how (18) 67. been (12) 92. 5 (9)
18. but (36) 43. ever (18) 68. time (12) 93. thing (9)
19. do (35) 44. want (18) 69. really (12) 94. only (9)
20. like (33) 45. out (18) 70. 3 (11) 95. day (9)
21. on (33) 46. renee (18) 71. back (11) 96. could (9)
22. or (32) 47. at (17) 72. which (11) 97. first (9)
23. is (32) 48. just (17) 73. then (11) 98. still (9)
24. i'm (31) 49. way (17) 74. were (10) 99. he (9)
25. with (29) 50. be (17) 75. they (10) 100. times (8)
Word Count by Hutta.
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

April 22nd, 2004

Which Legendary Actress are you?
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Don't read my diary when I'm gone... [Thursday
April 22nd, 2004
Don't read my diary when I'm gone. OK, I'm going to work now, when you wake up this morning, please read my diary. Look through my things and try to figure me out.
--Kurt Cobain

I started reading Kurt Cobain Journals. Intense shit. He goes from one topic to another... BAM BAM BAM. It's crazy hard to follow. He puts in random things such as "Once I saw Jesus on a taco shell". Things that no person would ever think of. I respect him for that- he put down his thought. ALL HIS THOUGHTS. As strange or odd as they may be. He didn't care. That rocks- I wish I had the balls to do that-- not here-- normally. I don't want people reading it when I'm dead and going, OMG she was a fucking psycho, then again- they probably already will. My journal is- interesting to say the least. I do jump from topic to topic- but I finish one though entirely before going to another- and sometimes I forget what I was going to write next. I need to do some freewriting. In pen- so I can't erase or backspace anything. I just have to keep myself from scribbling anything out and putting in something that sounds better. I don't know if I can find the time though- I don't know where I find any of my time. Lying around perhaps? Between dance, school, and sleep- I really have barely any time. That's why I was glad for this vacation.

Free time. Something I desperately needed. Time away from people. All people- I'm sick of people. All I want to do is go to Russia for a weekend and drink all the Vodka humanly possible. Maybe it'll keep me from diving off the deep end of the insanity pool. I think last night I may have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. People were pissing me off. And I was just going mental. I watched part of Anywhere But Here today. The part where she finds out Benny died- I cried. I needed that. I think it helped me. We all need a good cry once and a while- don't we? It helps keep us sane, from bottling up too many emotions. I think I shall watch A Walk To Remember before this week is up- another good cry is due. Especially before Ohio. If I don't let everything out by then- I'm gonna go crazy on my roomates. I'll go nuts and yell and scream and be a general psychotic person. I need to be put in a mental ward. One of those places where I can scream at the top of my lungs- and no one cares.

All this shit too. I got a card from my old dance teacher the other day- saying how I've been brave through all these tests. FUCK THAT! I had a motherfucking cat scan and an MRI. Now I have to be in the hospital for a DAY, a fucking DAY. Even if it is an anyuerism- they can't do anything yet. And it's cool because they know about it. I'm sick of getting IMs from certain people- who haven't fucking spoken to me in months telling me their thinking about me. Fuck off. I'm sick of getting hugs from my family because "I need one". I'm sick of people doting on me because of this shit. It doesn't bother me in the least and everyone thinks it does. Jesus fucking tap dancing christ, can't I just be left alone? This is why I'm glad I'm not famous. I'd go berserk and kill someone. Probably a camera guy or something. I'd hate being famous- too much attention. All I want is to sink back into the crowd and not be noticed. Another nameless drone in the world full of nameless drones. Keep me there- it's less of a hassle.

Now that I've written you a motherfucking book. I'm out. Peace easy.
6 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Top 10 Reasons To Date a Guard Member [Monday
April 19th, 2004
10. We know how to keep people in line.
9. We continueously work on our technique.
8.We adore tight clothing.
7. We do it on football fields and gym floors.
6. We're used to poles of all sizes.
5. We strive for perfect performance.
4. We work well with our hands.
3. We are very flexible.
2. We always want to be on top.

And the # 1 reason to date a guard member. . . .

1. We love making people scream and yell.
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

... [Monday
April 19th, 2004
Sometimes I swear Bored is my middle name. I mean- I've been sitting at my computer so far this vacation. But- then, when I talk to people about going out I'm like yuck, I don't want to. So- this is what I want to do, but I'm so bored. I just don't know.
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Thanks to Julie [Sunday
April 18th, 2004
Nisey Shall Like This

Dance Stuff
2 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Surveys... ganked from Gail. [Saturday
April 17th, 2004
Read more...Collapse )
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Oh... please be over.. [Saturday
April 17th, 2004
I went to Band Movie Night last night. It was a pretty good time. We watched Tommy Boy first, which is a good movie. And then- someone decided to put in Chicago. I swear- if there was a more terrible movie ever made... I'd have to kill myself. It was so horrible. I've seen it once before and I hated it. And then I had to watch it again. I was gonna try and sleep during it, but that freakin' music kept keeping me awake. It was so long and dragged out... and horrible. I wanted to shove a music stand up the butt of whoever chose that movie. *shivers* Chicago- worst musical ever.

Today- I was planning on sleeping all day, but that didn't happen because I woke up around 11:00, and I couldn't get back to sleep. So, I watched Full House and took a shower. And now I'm sitting here with nothing to do, while everyone is playing paintball. Yeah... good times.
2 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

Don't you know you hurt me constantly? [Thursday
April 15th, 2004
God, one more day and I get VaCaTiOn! I'm dying. I'm getting annoyed with people and I need to go on vacation before I kill someone, chop them into tiny pieces, and hide their body in various Lowell High lockers. Today... I slept most of the day actually. I got to school and I was dead tired, I looked it too. I slept all 7/8, and it was remarkable that Mr. McDonough didn't call on me. Lunch, I felt so sick I could only finish like, less than half... so Jared and Kevin; the vultures; took it. Last period, Mrs. Sicard wasn't there again, her office was locked. So, I went to the band room like I always do. I like, read the whole time. After school, mom drove me and Jimmy home. Theeen... I came on the computer and got ready for hip-hop, by taking a nap.

Then, I went to Hip Hop which was an adventure in itself. We went on a little. And we have to choreograph 4 sets of 8 on our own. I already have 3 sets, only because I stole it from Olivia. Tee hee hee. I might change it though, because it's kind of slow. I'm not sure yet...

Tomorrow, after school I'm going to see The Punisher. Anyone's welcome. Thusfar I believe it's like... me, Kevin, Rod, Alex?, Joey?. Anyone else who wants to come is welcome.
0 READ layout by Melanee CMNT

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